a juicyfruit moment

"At times like these, you need Juicyfruit gum!"

Over and over, I try to tell that to myself, since Tuesday. But I guess, one has to stop being so paranoid about the future after some time. People aren't used to seeing me depressed and hopeless for long periods of time, and that's all part of the package. The "I'm-happy-and-strong-outside-yet-shattered-and-unsure-inside-most-of-the-time" facade, is really my cup of tea.

And if you'll listen to what the executive director of Benildanze says about me, you'll probably get the idea that i'm a conniving, sneaky and influential person who brainwashes and bullies other co-dancers to believe in what I want them to.

But hey, she's entitled to her delusions any day.

Not that I'm not angry nor sad that I am now scholarship-less and kinda broke, but I guess there are feelings that suddenly stem for unexpected turn of events. One just doesn't find himself instantly without a scholarship and being bad mouthed by few people (whom I believed in and fought for), but I think that there are still options to be considered and battles to be won.

In the early hours of easter sunday, I ponder on my future and what it holds. Having just watched RENT on video, I realize that life is too happy to be sad, because there's "No day but today."

There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret. or life is yours to miss.

I don't know what's going to happen to my life tomorrow or next week, or next term...all I know is that it's gonna be better than yesterday.

And I suddenly find myself not needing any Juicyfruit gum after all.