mga tula para sa mga lalaking inibig at iniibig..

the oracle
(para kay red)

lonely days and coffee stains
leave a mark on the table top of memories
tears overflow my bathtub
spilling to the valleys of this estranged heart

on and on
the song on the radio fades away
but still my ears grow deaf to the silence beginning to
settle in the grand design of our lives

don't you hear the walls breaking
and the ceilings creaking at your slightest
touch

tell me how it all started
so i can show you how it ended.

erase and rewind
(para kay ej)

i tried my best to catch my words
in mid-air
one by one, they seemed to slip from this tongue
and unravel onto your palms

not just your average little everyday words
but rather big, confused, and paranoid words
borne out of impulsive loneliness
magnified by sheer human doubt

afternoons spent in musty theater offices
discussing sketches
evenings in rickety-floored dance rooms
weaving songs into dances
early mornings cradled
by yards and yards of cloth and the monotonous whirr
of my portable sewing machine

i retrace every step
the path of each leaf that falls from
this dying tree of memory

to the moment, as Alice said

where i give in
where i let go
where i take you off and hang you
on the coat rack

there were no fireworks
nor big marching parades
nor resounding melodies

just this
searing pain of regret
that starts from the base of your stomach
like a punch driven to hurt
render you
vulnerable on the floor
eating uncertainty for breakfast
while bathing in self-pity for the sins that have been
committed

but there in no recourse
and no resolution
only this absolution
i go

back and forth
and back and
forth and back
and forth and
back to this endless longing

i lick my lips
and sample the bitter rye of realization
that this story of ours
can never be edited
to have a happy ending.

3:25am
(para kay arvin)

you sidle up to me at twenty-five minutes past three

smelling of cigarettes and sweat
shirtless,
arms find me amidst the darkness and
your tongue says hello to my ear

i keep silent
not sure if i want to push or pull
fingers trace secret
passages and labyrinths
on bare skin

my back arches
as your
three-day old stubble rubs against my neck

you shift
and i find you on top
with your warm body singing to mine

the whole house rings quiet
as i imagine my family sleeping in their beds
enjoying the holiday chill in their own dreams

i take a deep breath

as i take you

in

all of you
on this early christmas morning.

p.s ( just want to wish all of you a great new year, and my apologies for the late entries. It seems that the internet in the house isn't working at this time and some opportunities are coming thru the lull. Just want to share three poems i wrote over the holiday season.. hope you like them..)