wisdom from a fortune cookie.

I cracked my fortune cookie this evening to find this.."You will finally get a clear picture of what you will need to do in your life".

Wisdom from a 5-peso fortune cookie from Chowking, I thought to myself. But I guess, this piece of paper embedded in a crisp pastry shell really does address one of my internal life questions:

"What do I really want to do with the rest of my life?".

Well, there's this urgent yearning to graduate soon. Then there's this fashion related career that I'm starting to build with a considerable number of clients, ranging from wedding entourage, grad ball dresses, to orders of thai pants . I must admit that I'm having fun while gaining experience and that I'm actually utilizing the skills I've learned in my course at CSB. But as my existence in Benildanze stopped, I guess part of my passion for dance died with the scholarship. Not that it's fully extinguished but I know that I'm not the same dancer who I was a year ago.

I suddenly wonder if all artists arrive at this fork in the road wherein they're confronted with this question, and forced to make a decision soon. Opening my e-mail , I am bombarded by messages from my high school batchmates from Philippine High School for the Arts, thru our yahoogroups. These messages are not your usual "hi" or "hello" messages, nor party info, but college grad sentiments. Most of us in my batch are graduating this year, some with honors, some just happy to arrive at the end of the line. But there's this commonality among them, the fear of being an unemployed recent graduate. The uncertainty that resides in between the moment that we officially graduate and the moment we are officially employed. I think almost everyone goes thru this stage in their life.

Comparing their dilemma with mine...

It's the successfully employed undergrad versus the unemployed successful graduate. The undergrad suffering from uncertainty in what he wants to pursue in his life combined with academic burdens while the unemployed graduate contemplates on financial security and the personal need to pursue what will be well-compensating yet not entirely selling himself out.

Ho hum.

These thoughts suddenly wake me from the idealistic world we've lived in high school and fast forward me to the real world. In a few months, I'll be part of the official list of graduates and of the work force. Hopefully by then I would've found the career path that clearly is for me.

A few minutes after 6am, I choose to face my own monsters..the one that's in my head and the one in my stomach. Today is a busy day , with a Divi trip, meeting, shopping session with Che, thai pants orders, and meeting with Shoko for her pants. And drop by Tinoy's place to pay the balance for Che's costumes, if there's some time left in my day.

Btw, Dianne and some of the SPO (Student Publications Office) pips left for Sagada last night. And somehow deep inside , I feel kinda envious that people are enjoying their summer tan with beach and mountain trips while I get mine from basking in the afternoon sun in Divisoria.

Next year, I promise to myself that my next summer will be different. Hopefully..

For now, it's just me, divi, clients, and wisdom from a 5-peso fortune cookie..

p.s (these are my new pics from a recent impromptu shoot..)