the waiting.

there is this silence
i keep
i have woven it into my sheets
to unravel each night
when i am eventually
taken by
sleep

my fingers find yours amidst the darkness
they touch somewhere along a broken
seam
ripping stitch by stitch
silently
to reveal what has been hidden
to see what has been ignored
in daylight

but
it is not you
my love,
but me conjuring you
line by line
what might have been
and what i wanted for things to become

there is this silence
i do not speak of,
until now

in faint sentences of solitude
and longing
i draw a picture of me
holding you in my arms, staring at a brilliant sunset
melting into the horizon
leaking into our dreams
as we catch stars
in between conversations
fading into morning.

*for this boy who remembers me every now and then, and whom i never fail to amaze.

(insert clever title)...

Came home at about 2am from Jona's project at St.Lukes. Checked my mail. Decided to walk to Cubao x to witness the iloveyoustore event..

Arrived at 3am and was secretly wishing to bump into an online friend there, but I was surprised to realize that I didn't know many people in the crowd. Stood somewhere in the shadows,slightly swaying to the good music. I wanted to dance, and chat and linger. Be part of this beautiful energy pulsating into the early hours of the morning. Ordered one shot of tequila and a glass of sprite, to take the edge off my day...then silently bid the crowd goodbye and walked home.

and for once, in my life, i felt that i didn't belong...

requiem...

i made a pact with the universe
to never utter your name again
nor
to anyone

until it
no longer means anything to me
other than an unfortunate combination
of letters

like mahogany leaves blown by the wind
settling on the floor of some far-off forest
in some foreign land

our story will be a tell-tale heart
buried under a grave with no epitaph
to commemorate its birth nor death

until the memories have faded
into the ground
and

the beating of your heart resonates again
to wake that of which has been forgotten
and put to rest

until then

love lies here.

an update of some sort...

It's getting more challenging to convince my Mom that I don't have a boyfriend. It seems she always thinks that there's someone in my life right now, and at certain points in my very fast paced day I secretly wished her assumptions were true.

I'm finished with Kate Zapanta and Kei Oribello's wedding and I must say that I am extremely proud of myself. The weddings gowns looked wonderful and exactly how I pictured them inside my mind. I wish I took pictures but I was too busy attending to other things or so tired that it didn't occur to me that I needed to take pictures. I promise I will post pictures of their gowns as soon as I get hold of some.

Ho hum.

I had my hair cut short again. I don't know what got into me at 2am, after meeting Ate Susan in Antipolo. I dropped by the 24 hour Reyes Haircutters Salon at Anonas and got myself a quirly and spiky cut.

I know I've been getting fatter these past few months and my stomach is bulging like I'm a 2 month old pregnant mommy, and I sincerely apologize. From now on, I'll be working my ass off to get the 6 pack I've always dreamed off. One month to go...Camiguin here I come.

In the words of Justin Timberlake....

I'm bringing sexy back...

Stolen....or my new number.

To make a long story short, my phone was stolen yesterday while I was on my way home. I was climbing the overpass in Guadalupe when I suddenly felt that my phone was no longer in my pocket. I wanted to panic and shout for help but I got hold of my self and stayed calm. Number one, it isn't my turf and number two, I had no plans of getting mugged and killed at the same time. After three years of not losing my phone, it was a moment wherein I felt so vulnerable.

I am tempted to quote Elizabeth Bishop at this moment but it seems I've gone overboard on her poetry regarding loss, instead I opt to listen to Walter Anderson with these words..

Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself. Walter Anderson

I kinda figured that I felt bad because I instantly lost contact with so many people. And yes, I need to have a new batch of calling cards printed, since the remainder of the first batch still has the old number. Thank God I have my client's contact numbers on the contracts I had them sign for their garment orders.

Marami pa akong kwento pero sobrang pagod at antok na ako. May kwento pa ako tungkol sa halos dalawang linggong pagtuturo ko sa Our Lady of Guadalupe Minor Seminary. Yeah, being in charge of more than 50 high school seminarians might strike a kinky note in many people' minds. But for now, here's my new number so you can all save it.

09296234170

09296234170

09296234170

09296234170

Do message me for your contact numbers, and please do leave your name at the end of the message. Maraming-maraming salamat..

Or better yet...You can leave me a comment at the end of this entry with your number...Now, isn't that fantabulous?...

manila - vigan - manila in under 24 hours...

Bugbog na ang pwet ko. Oo, alam kong ang kinky pakinggan nun. Pero hindi nakakatuwang umupo ng labing isang oras papuntang Vigan, bumili ng tela, at sumakay na pabalik ng Maynila. Kahapon na ata ang pinakaboring na araw sa buhay ko, I guess riding a bus for more than 20 hours isn't my idea of a fun trip. So much for seeing the sights and enjoying the experience. I went to Vigan to buy the extra cloth for Kei Oribello's wedding entourage, since the first batch was a bit off in terms of color. The yellow was too bright, and the red as well. Think Mcdonald's and don't think anyone really wants a Mcdo themed wedding. Thank God I found a lighter yellow and more earthy red, and I'm glad Kei seems to be happy about her Abel Iloco already.

I guess this entry sounds spiked with OC-ness and being overly workaholic but these past few weeks have been the most toxic with my choreography sessions at Our Lady of Guadalupe minor seminary, bridal fittings in between, meeting with new clients and giving orders to my seamstress ( making sure that they work while I attend to other projects.)

I think I should be used to this already. The fast paced, insane, and up-to-the neck work and lack of personal time. Nung isang araw napagkatuwaan akong tanungin ng mga studyante ko sa seminaryo kung magkano daw ang binabayad sa akin para sa ginagawa kong choreography, production design at kung ano pang creative consultation para sa kanila. Napatigil ako, siguro'y dahil hindi ko kailanman tinanong kung magkano ang honorarium. Napangiti ako, maybe because the money never really mattered ever since i could remember. Kahit ngayon, I still am bad at putting a price on the things I make or do.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to happiness. Ilang araw na rin akong iniintriga ng nanay ko, at may boyfriend na raw ako dahil ang saya ko raw umuuwi. Hmm..The work must be doing me some good. I'm slowly realizing that happiness isn't just dependent on having a love life or a relationship, and I must admit that it gets pretty lonely dating people who flit in and then disappear every now and then or looking back at that one person who left you without answers or the one you let go by mistake. I am blessed, I smile to myself. With all the work, projects and interesting people I am meeting right now, I have no right to complain or rant.

New year. New perspective.

No more waiting. No more expectations.

happy new year santi.

p.s ( last year was a good and bad year. and i honestly believe this one promises to be a better one, Prince or no prince..)

pagbabalatkayo ng liwanag..

Ilang larawan mula sa session ko with UP Cinema.
Kuha ni Greg Sabado Styling at costumes ni Santi Obcena