another unexpected turn in the road...

There have been so many things that happened within the first few days of this week, some good and some not-so good. I guess, you can't always bake your cake and eat it too. Naisip ko lang na ang sobrang daming surprises na binibigay sa akin ng Diyos ngayong panahon na ito sa life ko, gusto kong tanungin "BIRTHDAY KO BA? at ang daming surprises ngayon?"

To start it all off, the Semirara teaching project is now off because the management refused to give us insurance for the duration of our project, for no apparent reason. I guess, it's goodbye to a hefty paycheck, but it wouldn't be right to leave without a safety blanket. Secondly, I am finally designing clothes for a wedding. Pam asked me to meet with her cousin, who's getting married, and discuss designs for her wedding. Ang saya, dahil this is the first time I'm doing formal wear. Nakakatense dahil virgin pa ako sa matinong damit, at di couture. But this is a challenge I'm willing to take on the rollercoaster ride.

On another note, I'm also helping Day with styling athletes for the up and coming magazine for the opening of NCAA in june. So far, I'm having fun, touching on my basic make-up skills and hair styling.

hehe.. Instant training.

Well, I've still got more surprises coming my way, and I can just feel it. By the way, the thai pants orders are still coming and I still have to finish my illustrations, pasahan na sa friday sa MEGA....

ang saya ng buhay na ito ever...pramis.

Diyosanti, now signing off for the meantime...

p.s (i miss my hair na..i kind am growing tired of my current short hair na. rant lang ako ng onti. heehee...(o_O)...(O_o)...btw, the pic is already around 6 months old na.)

ang una at huling araw ng ale sa siyudad

karag karag ang isang
maleta
sumakay ng bus ang ale
baon ang dalawampung taon
ng pangangarap at paghihirap
sa ilalim ng araw

manaka-nakang titigil
ang bus
minsan, ilang oras ang pagitan

lilingon ang babae palabas
sa bintana,
di alintana ang mga butil ng
pawis na namumuo
sa gilid ng kanyang leeg

sa wakas ay di na magugutom sila nanay…

matatapos ang mahabang biyahe
patungo sa siyudad

may naghihintay na trabaho
para sa akin kanila aling delya sa tondo

tutulo ang pawis
tatagaktak sa blusa

di bale nang ‘di makauwi madalas at makita sila junjun at elena

hihinto ang bus
sa gitna ng kalsada

dahan-dahang iuunat
ang mga paang
napagod sa pagkakaupo

animo’y humalik ang kanyang
mga tsinelas
sa nanggigitatang
kalsada na nabalutan
ng dura at basura
ng sanlaksang mamamayan
ng lungsod

“ito na pala ang lungsod”, nasambit niya sa sarili

mapapalingon ang ale
habang
siya’y pababa,
ngingiti sa kunduktor
animo’y ito na ang pinakamasayang
araw sa mundo
ngunit mula sa kanan
ay binati siya ng isang rumaragasang
truck
at tinangay
kasama ng kanyang
karag-karag na maleta ng dalawampung taong inipong
pangarap at luha.

squeezing the moment.

As I am just a day away from my two-week trip to Semirara, I am currently brainstorming on how to get everything done in time for their respective deadline. DISCLAIMER: (I am not a very organized person when it comes to time management.) Ho hum. I would just like to share all of the things that are on my list and currently boogle my mind.

• The 6 designs for the Mega Young Designers Competition thats due on April 28, Friday next week.
• Two thai pants for a client
• My uncle's white linen drawstring which I have adjusted over and over again but still doesn't fit him.
• My final syllabus for my teaching class in Antique

Basically, that's everything that's bothering/giving me a headache...Well, I think I can always have somebody pass the designs (plus essay and application fee) to MEGA. And I can always finish the remaining orders when I do get back.

On a lighter side, I've been having so much fun these past few days as I've seen Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah twice already. It's currently showing at the new PETA Theater Center at the back of the Q.C Sports Club along E.Rodriguez. With some new actors in the ensemble, Zsa Zsa again flies to capture our hearts. Ang ganda ganda talaga ng mga kanta at galing nila Eula, Agot, at Joey Paras (who's playing Didi and replaced Ricci Chan.)...I wish I could've seen it again tonight, but I already arrived home from divi at around 7.30pm, so there wasn't enough time to get dressed and make myself fresh-looking for the show.

Ho hum. And I really wanted to see Kalila Aguilos play Femina Suarestellar Baroux, Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah's arch-nemesis. But even if I won't be able to watch her tomorrow, I guess seeing another version of Didi was really worth watching it two times, and I'd do it again if I had the chance. Joey was good, very unlike Ricci. It may not have the panache and clarity of Ricci's take on the role but Joey's version had more wa-poise to it and more garrishness..

Looks like I won't have enough time to update my blog in the next two weeks, as there is no internet in Semirara nor malls, convenient stores or fast food stores.

But I am thankful that I'll be seeing the bluest skies everyday for two weeks, and sharing with kids the knowledge that has been passed to me.

p.s (More insight on my teaching thing at Semirara, maybe tomorrow...)

Coming home late and happy...

I believe that this is the first time, in 1 year that I came home late yet having enjoyed my day.

Having been denied renewal of my contract with Benildanze, I've been exploring my options once again and rethinking my life and what I want to do with it for the next millenium or so. That is why I have decided to come back and start anew by being a member of the Kalinangan Ensemble of PETA. Hopefully, I'll have more fun and develop more as an artist.

This morning, while I was in between answering the call of mother nature and analyzing my list of things to do for the day, I suddenly realized that my removal from the Benildanze is a form of unexpected liberation. I must admit that it came as a surprise when they denied my contract, hence no more dancing with the school company and no more allowance with the scholarship. At the back of my head, I know I'm a good artist, a little bit rough on the edges but yet deserving to have that dance scholarship. Then, it occurred to me.

"Why would I want to dance for a company that doesn't see me as a valuable member and appreciate me for all that I am, while develop my strengths and harness my weaknesses?" The answer made me smile all of a sudden. I guess that it would be better for me to move on and analyze all of the other options. And just the fact that I'll be coming home to my old company, that fully understands my needs as an artist, realizes my worth and sees me as a member and not a slave, makes this experience all the more worth the stress.

By the way, I just came home for the theater center and started feeling the warmth that surrounds PETA and every member. Had dinner with Ian, Julia, Jeff and Anj at Chowking and just got lost in the numerous "knock-knock" jokes and everyday stories.

I guess there's so much that I'll miss over the past two years of my brief yet also interesting stint with Filipinescas-Benildanze. I got the chance to dance choreographies by the late National Artsist Leonor Orosa-Goquingco and meet such interesting people which made my life better. Dancing for the school made me feel very proud, as if I was bringing home a gold medal every time I danced.

And most of all, I will miss dancing Maria Clara and the Leper, with my partner Jihan Paredes. It was in this dance that I learned that there was more to just dancing, there was more to relate to than just your partner. To dance and act at the same time made me discover a different facet of my self as an artist.

To you, Leonor Orosa-Goquingco, I will forever be thankful and indebted for sharing with us, the gift of your dances.

At the end of this day, I thank God for giving me such a beautiful life and the opportunity to share this life with equally beautiful people.....

a requiem for love

in between
sips of bland silence
and bittersweet chaos

the sky decided to

u-n-r-a-v-e-l

even the stars, the moon, and the sun
fell from the heavens
to witness
the grand display

memories projected themselves

upon the clouds

dancing aurora borealis

in my head

a dream that realized itself
at the bottom of my
coffee cup
and heeled at the
foot of my bed

what joy is there
in the realization that
mornings never do come after the
break up

only christmas lights

go down after the holidays

but never the sadness that

hangs upon my face

as the the lone
piece of night clings on to
hear the very words that might
re-weave my universe

shattering porcelain hearts
do resound with such clarity
that it echoes in the halls
of nostalgia

leaves fall helplessly to the ground
as air refuses gravity
time spurts forth wings
as it raises it's fingers to
bid farewell to love.

bodies turn to the horizon
to weave a requiem
for such a beautiful
god.

april 17, 2006
2:21am

a juicyfruit moment

"At times like these, you need Juicyfruit gum!"

Over and over, I try to tell that to myself, since Tuesday. But I guess, one has to stop being so paranoid about the future after some time. People aren't used to seeing me depressed and hopeless for long periods of time, and that's all part of the package. The "I'm-happy-and-strong-outside-yet-shattered-and-unsure-inside-most-of-the-time" facade, is really my cup of tea.

And if you'll listen to what the executive director of Benildanze says about me, you'll probably get the idea that i'm a conniving, sneaky and influential person who brainwashes and bullies other co-dancers to believe in what I want them to.

But hey, she's entitled to her delusions any day.

Not that I'm not angry nor sad that I am now scholarship-less and kinda broke, but I guess there are feelings that suddenly stem for unexpected turn of events. One just doesn't find himself instantly without a scholarship and being bad mouthed by few people (whom I believed in and fought for), but I think that there are still options to be considered and battles to be won.

In the early hours of easter sunday, I ponder on my future and what it holds. Having just watched RENT on video, I realize that life is too happy to be sad, because there's "No day but today."

There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret. or life is yours to miss.

I don't know what's going to happen to my life tomorrow or next week, or next term...all I know is that it's gonna be better than yesterday.

And I suddenly find myself not needing any Juicyfruit gum after all.

21

21 questions
by santi obcena

on nights like this
my soul overflows
for you

juxtaposing conversations
that ended 45 minutes ago
with this endless longing

elusive,
you are

question upon
question

we enter each others
lives
defining
finding
and demistifying the moment
we are both prisoners
of

we end at 17
and bid to hear each other
another day.

this moon that laughs upon my shoulder
will soon
fade into morning

and my fear will soon
see light
as we arrive to number 21.

april 15, 2005
11:46 pm

my first time...

whew...I guess everyone has their first time in doing anything.

Finally, I have decided to get one of these things to finally help me keep my supposed sanity and share to the world my musings, thoughts, and ideas...

I am currently in the process of starting anew, and finding options so that I have something to fall back on, for the next two terms of my college life. So, finally I can finish my course and be part of the work force.

Here's my first entry and I hope that everything does get better after this.

Kudos to this event called life...