...waiting on heaven...

...i would just like to say that a certain boy from ilocos norte makes me happy...

...and somehow, the days don't seem so empty anymore...

...oraciones para sa pumanaw na pag-ibig...

BEE
(for Red)
by dianne may torres

you're like a bee
dripping honey
never faithful
to a single flower.

perhaps you
thought
the rose
superior to the aster?

you take so lightly
the heart's matter.

(curse you forever.)

orpheus descending
(para kay Thor)

ni santi obcena

nagbabaga ang impyernong
'yong kinasasadlakan
maingay
mainit
mapanlinlang
at punong-puno
ng dahas at pait

bumalik sa alaala
isang saglit
na hinagkan
mo ako
sa pagitan ng
apoy at ng walang
katapusang panahon

at inakalang
walang hanggan na
ang
yapos na iyon

ngayo'y
karay sa aking panaginip ang
isang himig
na 'di mabura-bura

kailan kaya
muling maririnig ang iyong
kanta?

malamang ay hindi na.

...holding back on a saturday morning...

...The computers all around me, purr like kittens being stroked at 3am. I'm just lucky to find this joint open, since I'm trying to kill time. I wish it's 5am already so I can proceed with my life. I haven't been myself these past few days, all I've accomplished are tasks and activities on my list and calendar. Sleeping ain't an option for now since I might wake up at lunch time and face hell.

There are nights where i stare at my peeling ceiling and wonder where my life is going. I'm a strong person, that's what they all say. I can overcome everything I'm going thru no matter what. But sometimes I wonder at what point do I break. At kung may super powers kaya ako...

sants: kahapon ko pa gustong maiyak,...

pilip: ok lang malupit ka naman eh

In about two hours, i'll be having my haircut then prepare for a long day. Pick-up a dress and deliver it to Las piñas. From there, proceed to divi, close a deal and buy cloth. Run to CCP for rehearsals and a show at 9:30pm.

Kahapon ko pa gustong maiyak...

.................................................pero sadyang walang oras.

...rainy days and saturdays always get me down...

....breathe in....

...After getting lost in Fort Bonifacio, walking about 6 wide blocks, and getting drenched in cold rain, I must say that this has been an interesting day for me. I guess not everyone has the opportunity to experience things like those. And so I say, I am truly blessed. No sarcasm, mind you. I am just thankful to have had a trip down memory lane and saw the sculpture of Mr. Gerry Leonard (a visual arts instructor at makiling) when I was lost. the piece made me reminiscent, since we performed in front of it, at its unveiling 7 years ago when I was still in 2nd year high school.

...Just a little bit pissed that a client of mine was haggling to lower my quotation for the clothes for her wedding entourage, putting much stress on the fact that she was cheated on by a friend, leaving her P300, 000 poorer. Yes, I am a very kind person and I do understand her situation and sympathize with her but I know I give one of the lowest designer wedding entourage packages and repeating the fact that she was swindled was simply unethical. I know I'm not that good with putting a price on my talent,. but I sure do know when I'm being cheated on. Ho hum...Rarely do I rant like this regarding money matters, payments and honorariums but I'm actually saddened by the fact that many people neglect the fact that designers work hard to give you a design concept sewn and created for your use and flaunting. Some of them think we just lay dresses out of our butts or just puke it out. Designers sit down with you and think of interesting garment concepts, go to suppliers, coordinate with beaders and sewers, take your measurements, deliver clothes, make sure that your dress fits you. And sometimes they sew your gown personally and embellish it. All of these are the things that a designer does, just to make sure that it looks good on you. So, the next time you want to lower an already low quotation for your dress, try thinking about making it yourself or better yet, just make it yourself cheapskates. Just so you get the feeling.

Ho hum...

Pardon the bitch talking. It's been a rough day, and cutting people some slack is something I do everyday and ranting isn't, so for now....I rant.

...breathe out...

p.s ( On another note, I'll be presenting my design concepts for PETA's Don_Q on monday, meeting for another client's wedding and preparing for the Makiling Ensemble pictorial that's happening very soon...)

p.s ng p.s ( Just a little bit sad that someone didn't want to see me today, even though we were in the same vicinity. Call me petty, but I guess it just makes me think that I shouldn't have put the idea inside your head and pop those questions the other night on Ym. ho hum...In the words of Travis, "Why does it always rain on me?" )

p.s ng p.s ng p.s ( Trust me I don't have an idea whatsoever.)

...linking my life to the web...

...I just want all of you to know that I've got the Mindanao pics up on my multiply account and some on my photo blog... here are the links for those...plus my deviantart account..

my multiply account... http://leakingdreams.multiply.com

my deviant art account... http://leakingdreams.deviantart.com

my photoblog... http://themusingsofawallflower.blogspot.com

just thought you might have some idle time on our hands.

and if you're wondering how my life is, I'm quite okay, just lacking a bit sleep but I am okay..trust me.

p.s(nakakaadik mag-upload ng pics at magcheck ng comments and messages.)

...changing gears...

...I must admit that this has been a roller-coaster-ride kind of a day, and there are so many questions left unanswered that seem to burn in my mind. And I guess seeing your first ex and Ym chatting with your second ex all in one day is a crazy thing altogether, an occurence that certainly makes you want to down ten aspirins just to make the throbbing go away. But headache aside, I certainly learned so much, and relived regrets I still have tucked in a corner of my mind. Maybe this life was meant to be miserable for me, no self pity included just a realization altogether. Or a payment for bad karma I've accumulated in my past life/lives...

...I guess God still thinks it's not the right time for a relationship or to resolve unanswered question, as I am bombarded by numerous projects that seem to pop out of nowhere. Maybe it's time to change gears and put Career on the front seat and let Love take the back seat or glove compartment for the meantime, just to help me approach my life more efficiently and in a more orderly manner. Ho hum...

...Work, work, work.... :(