the ramblings of a wayward romantic...

These are my personal moments, ideas, thoughts and insanities placed for everyone to see. This blog is my own personal forever, frozen in this digital medium for all eternity, or 'til this site exists...

Friday, January 26, 2007

...bagong tula para sa minamahal..

bukangliwayway
(para kay buybuy)


madalas akong humabi
ng tula
para sa kamatayan ng pag-ibig

waring pagtirik ng kandila sa puntod
at pagtuldok sa kwento ng romansa
at nag-aalab na damdamin

luha at tuwa
isinulsing magkasama
ng halakhak at
dusa

waring yarda-yardang
paggunita na ang natapos

nalathala, binasa,
pinuri, at pinalakpakan

ngunit
nang matagpuan ka

sa wakas
ay natuto
rin akong tumula

bilang panimula.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

..you don't know me that well....

1.Song playing at the moment?
* Heavy by Holly Brook and Oo by UpDharmaDown -the refreshing lyrics and good sound do make me think that there is big hope for the music industry, other than the Boom Tarat and Pamela Mela's of our time.

2. One reason for living?
* The sentimental optimistic romantic inside compells me to say LOVE, which is very much true.

3. Do u think you're ok?
* I haven't been more than okay, well not really on the economic side but I know there are more things to be thankful for, like a loving partner, healthy family and friends, and better ties with people.

4. Ever donated blood?
* Yup, I have. And I'm proud to say that I enjoy sharing a part of myself with people who need it the most.

5. Fave color(s)?
* I'd have to say blue, black, and white...

6. Accessories you usually wear?
* Hmmm....A dog tag which Dianne gave me for christmas, it says "I LOVE BOYS"...so very ME...yet I've come to love MEN more than BOYS more, over the years.

7. One song to describe a heartbreak in the past?
* The Scientist sang hauntingly by Chris Martin, I say, would best describe the greatest heartbreak ever in my life. Just makes you want to go back to the start.

8. Last place you went to?
* Secret.. joke lang. Sa banyo, juminggel...

9. Last person u went out with?
* Depende sa meaning ng went out. Kung labas lang talaga, i guess it would beStephen and the Villa repapips at Penguin listening to Makiling Ensemble. Kung date, it would be with Mr. June Arvin Gudoy at Hap Chang Malate.

10. The most boring sport?
* Hmmm? I'd have to say I don't find any sport boring. I guess each sport has it's own high, and seeing the players focused and immersed in the game would be a great moment.

11. Ever had a baby?
* Haven't had one yet, that I know of. But I hope to have kids in the future.

12. Last movie/s y0u've seen?
* In Her Shoes, starring Cameron Diaz and Toni Collete. Two sisters who share nothing in common, other than their shoe size, or so they thought. Enlightingly, funny and light. And CLOSER, which stars Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Clive Owen and Jude Law in a love story for adults, also which I have watched for the nth time...because it is so fu-*-ing clever and witty.

13. Any piercings or tattoo?
* Wala naman, I've always had something against putting something permanent in your body...

14.The best gift ever?
* Hmmm...My partner coming all the way from Laoag, to spend Christmas with me and meet my family and friends. Seeing him with my mom, chatting about life, at 3am is the most magical moment ever.

15. Act on stage before?
* I must say I've acted about three to five times in this lifetime, essaying such interesting characters from Salud (Buhay sa Tambakan), Red (Intersection), and a semi-nude Igorot boy in an elementary play.

16. Struck by lightning before?
* I wish. Parang masayang experience yun, huwag lang sana masunog buhok ko sa kilikili o madedo ako.

17. Danced with your loved one before?
* Yep. I think I danced with my first boyfriend, with Hedwig and the Angry Inch playing on the tv. After almost eight years of being a dancer, I never thought dancing could be that stimulating.

18. Ever wished you could turn back time?
* There are days which I wished about that, but then again, I believe that everything happens for a reason and all that yadda yadda yadda, which happens to be really true.

19. What would you do if you woke up one day to find yourself to be the same person but the opposite sex?
* I'd kiss the boys and make 'em cry.

20. One song that's meaningful to you?
* Crash into Me by The Dave Matthew's Band really hits the spot for me, after all these years. It is the perfect example that poetry sounds good married with music, and yes, the words strike me so hard.

21. Last person you met for the first time?
* Hmm...that's a tricky question. I guess it would be Ezeck's friend who also went to the Pharmanex seminar, sadly I can't remember his name.

22. What will you be doing tomorrow?
* I'll be in Divi again, helping Kalila shop for some stuff for TP's The Pretenders.

23. Ever thought of robbing a bank?
* Di pa naman, I guess I'd rather raid Folded&Hung instead of the bank. heehee..I am so loving their clothes.

24. One thing you totally regret doing/done?
* Being careless with a lover's heart.

25. Do people like you?
* This is a funny question. But yes, I do think that there's a noticeable percentage of people who like being around me and enjoy my company, even though I am such a boring and silent person...

26. What was the last game you played on the computer?
* Can't remember, but i remember playing porn..oops!

27. Someone who means a lot to you at the moment?
* My family and Mr. Gudoy.

28. The color of your mobile phone?
* Black, and scratched all over.

29. Do you hate someone at the moment?
* Nope. Hating someone is such an utter waste of time...and even if I had all the time in the world, I'd rather hate poverty rather than hate a person...My gosh, that answer was so Miss Universe-ish.

30. What do you wish to happen?
* I guess I'll run out of space here if I told you what I wanted to happen. But yes, I have a ten year plan, like have a car by 25, a house by 27, get my parent's their own house in tagaytay or something, and maybe get married and have kids by 32..then see the world....And I also want to change the world little by little, by either becoming be becoming a good artist and educator...sabi sa 'yo simpleng tao lang ako...
i am so bored, so bear with me...heehee

Saturday, January 13, 2007

mga tula para sa mga lalaking inibig at iniibig..

the oracle
(para kay red)

lonely days and coffee stains
leave a mark on the table top of memories
tears overflow my bathtub
spilling to the valleys of this estranged heart

on and on
the song on the radio fades away
but still my ears grow deaf to the silence beginning to
settle in the grand design of our lives

don't you hear the walls breaking
and the ceilings creaking at your slightest
touch

tell me how it all started
so i can show you how it ended.


erase and rewind
(para kay ej)

i tried my best to catch my words
in mid-air
one by one, they seemed to slip from this tongue
and unravel onto your palms
not just your average little everyday words
but rather big, confused, and paranoid words
borne out of impulsive loneliness
magnified by sheer human doubt
afternoons spent in musty theater offices
discussing sketches
evenings in rickety-floored dance rooms
weaving songs into dances
early mornings cradled
by yards and yards of cloth and the monotonous whirr
of my portable sewing machine
i retrace every step
the path of each leaf that falls from
this dying tree of memory
to the moment, as Alice said
where i give in
where i let go
where i take you off and hang you
on the coat rack
there were no fireworks
nor big marching parades
nor resounding melodies
just this
searing pain of regret
that starts from the base of your stomach
like a punch driven to hurt
render you
vulnerable on the floor
eating uncertainty for breakfast
while bathing in self-pity for the sins that have been
committed
but there in no recourse
and no resolution
only this absolution
i go
back and forth
and back and
forth and back
and forth and
back to this endless longing
i lick my lips
and sample the bitter rye of realization
that this story of ours
can never be edited
to have a happy ending.

3:25am
(para kay arvin)

you sidle up to me at twenty-five minutes past three

smelling of cigarettes and sweat
shirtless,
arms find me amidst the darkness and
your tongue says hello to my ear

i keep silent
not sure if i want to push or pull
fingers trace secret
passages and labyrinths
on bare skin

my back arches
as your
three-day old stubble rubs against my neck

you shift
and i find you on top
with your warm body singing to mine

the whole house rings quiet
as i imagine my family sleeping in their beds
enjoying the holiday chill in their own dreams

i take a deep breath

as i take you

in

all of you
on this early christmas morning.


p.s ( just want to wish all of you a great new year, and my apologies for the late entries. It seems that the internet in the house isn't working at this time and some opportunities are coming thru the lull. Just want to share three poems i wrote over the holiday season.. hope you like them..)